15 Jul Day 45: The Final

It’s the World Cup final, as I’m sure you know, we’re not playing – but I’ve been using the World Cup as an excuse to drink. I’ve been drinking alcohol quite excessively for the past 3 weeks I think, I don’t know why, I want to forget everything and relax, alcohol is my fall back – as bad as it is. 

I’ve gone back to work, in my opinion I feel that I’ve been pressured to go back. They’ve always been very supportive with paying me when I’ve been unwell (I have been quite unwell, quite a few times!) but I’ve told them how long I’ve been signed off for and the day later they put me on to Statutory Sick Pay. I think they’ve done that as they know how important my income is and really, I had no choice but to go back to work. 

Anyway, we’re at the pub, the game finishes, go home and I fall asleep on the sofa while Lauren cooks us dinner. She wakes me up from a nightmare, and there’s something wrong. I’m seeing things that aren’t real, but I think they are. I don’t know where I am, I don’t know what I’m seeing, I can’t process or think about anything. 

I’m shouting to Jeff (who isn’t even there) I can see him hanging wherever I look. Lauren calls my therapist, she’s been great in terms of being there whenever we need to talk to her. My therapist has a chat with me and then speak to Lauren again. The final call is that I need to go to hospital – Lauren calls 111, they aren’t going to send an ambulance out and Lauren needs to drive me there. 

We get to hospital and I’m an emotional mess, I’ve been crying and I still don’t know what’s going on, where I am or what I’m seeing. They take me into a private room as I’m being a bit loud (embarrassingly), Lauren is being amazing, she’s obviously upset because there’s something really wrong with me. 

Hours pass and they have pretty much just kept me in a safe room. Crisis Response Team have come to assess me and they have the opinion that I’m not in any danger to myself. So, I’m off home, calmed down a bit and I go straight to sleep.