18 Jun Day 18: Harsh reality

I’ve had a week of being the worst person I’ve ever met. I’ve spiraled out of control, my mood has sunk, I’m having recurring flashbacks and a week of no sleep at all. I’ve told Lauren that I don’t care about our relationship, that she can leave, that I don’t have any feelings. I don’t care about my job, I don’t care about my future, I don’t care about my life. 

For whatever reason, Lauren was convinced that this wasn’t really me, I had been affected by what we had been through and I was struggling to get over the trauma, so she took the steps to book me in to see the doctors. 

The harsh reality is that I had suppressed my feelings for so long that everything had just got so much worse, and I had no control over what was going on. I had turned into a stone; no emotion, no feeling.